Blog
How to Talk With Parents About Aging: 4 Tips and Conversation Starters
"Discussing aging with our parents is often a delicate, emotional, and challenging topic. Although aging is a natural part of life, the conversation may feel uncomfortable or even contentious for both parties involved. However, it is important to have these discussions early, openly, and honestly. Here are four tips and conversation starters to help you through these essential conversations with compassion and understanding.
1. Create a Comfortable Environment:
Before bringing up the topic of aging, ensure you create an environment that promotes open and honest communication. Choose a quiet, private setting and ensure you have enough time for a thorough conversation. Avoid bringing up the subject during a family gathering or a stressful event. The conversation should not feel rushed or pressured.
Conversation Starter: "Mom/Dad, I've been thinking a lot about the future, and I thought it would be good for us to discuss our plans and expectations. Could we set aside some time to talk about this?"
2. Approach with Empathy and Respect:
Remember, your parents are adults with a lifetime of experiences and wisdom. They may feel a loss of control or fear about their future, so it's very important to approach the conversation with patience, empathy, and respect. Be sensitive to their feelings and reassure them that the aim of the discussion is to understand their wishes and ensure their comfort and safety.
Conversation Starter: "I can only imagine some of the feelings you might be experiencing as you think about the future. I want to understand your wishes and concerns better. What is most important to you as you think about the next years of your life?"
3. Be Honest:
Honesty is paramount, even if the truth is difficult to admit. Although it can be hard to talk about declining health, long-term care, or end-of-life decisions, it's necessary to address these topics. Be direct but tactful. Make sure your parents understand that your intention is to support them and ensure their well-being.
Conversation Starter: "I know this isn't the easiest conversation to have, but it's important to me that we plan ahead so that we can ensure your safety and comfort. How do you feel about discussing long-term care options or having a living will?"
4. Involve Professionals:
Sometimes, having a third party involved can make these discussions easier. Consider involving a geriatric care manager, a trusted doctor, or elder law attorney. They can provide unbiased advice, answer questions, and help talk about the complexities of aging, thus making the conversation more productive and less emotional.
Conversation Starter: "Would it be helpful if we invite an elder care advisor or a doctor into our next conversation to answer any questions we might have?"
Discussing aging with our parents can be a difficult but necessary task. It's important to approach these conversations with empathy, respect, and honesty, ensuring they feel heard and their wishes are honored. Remember, the goal is not to control their choices, but to aid in their decision-making process and ensure their comfort, safety, and happiness in their twilight years. Don't hesitate to involve professionals, and most importantly, remember that this is a conversation, not a one-time discussion. Be patient, keep lines of communication open, and continue the dialogue as your parents' needs and circumstances evolve.
“We are deeply troubled that the State enacted a map that the State readily admits does not provide the remedy we said federal law requires,” wrote the judges, two of whom were appointed by former President Donald Trump.